i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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