break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
