Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
only you would photoshop your dick
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
