His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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