Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
