I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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