Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
