I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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