have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize