Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I think I am morally bankrupt
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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