It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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