i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
