She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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