dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
You left your underwear on the fireplace
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
