it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
