I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
