why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
