i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
