you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
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