You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
