I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
