i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
