I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
