you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
