apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
