you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
