i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
