Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
