You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
