I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
