The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
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