I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
