you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I need to calm my uterus...
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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