just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
