Do you still have your period?
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
nutella sex= disaster
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
