When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
