i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
