drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
