I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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