great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
