I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Randomize
