You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
