I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
