so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
