i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
