Kareoke will never be a sober sport
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
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