I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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