would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
