I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Everclear isn't food dammit
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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