the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
