oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
