is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
