R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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