So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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