those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
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