At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
