Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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